i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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