Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
