I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
