You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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