Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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