I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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