I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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