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new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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