glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
