In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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