If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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