I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize