Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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