Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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