so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
