Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
