I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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