last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I forget how to act sober
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
