clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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