tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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