Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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