I feel like abortions should bother me more
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Randomize
