Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
