And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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