her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
