woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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