going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
