i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
