So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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