weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You have to summon your inner elephant
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
