if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
