You're my little dorito
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
