you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
