Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
