I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
