Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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