dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Four minutes until I can fart!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
