Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize