Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
