I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
