have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
