hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
