Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
