I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
