the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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