Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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