Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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