you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
