i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I did not marry a roomba.
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