dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
