I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize