i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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