lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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