you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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