I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize