Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
