If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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