The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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