im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
