Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize