Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
