yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
