And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
