He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
