She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize