Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He better not be in your backpack
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
