I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
