I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
