Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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