I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
