someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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